Honourary local band "The Cheek" have changed their name again. As most of you will know, they were originally called "Cheeky Cheeky & The Nosebleeds", but shortened their name to "The Cheek" after being taken to court by 80s puppet "Cheeky The Monkey", and his puppeteer/manager "Keith Brown" (from local "duck-n-roll" club duo "Keith Brown & Orville").
In a stroke of bad luck, the band were AGAIN taken to court, this time by 60s folk-rock band, "The Cheek" (no relation), and have been forced to further shorten their name, to simply "Che".

***BREAKING NEWS*** - News Justin! The band have just been issued with Court Proceedings, by relatives of dead Cuban leader, Che Stadium.

Stay tuned for further updates..

CHINESE WHISPER!!! - Norwich Arts Centre have revealed plans to make the venue "more echoey", using special "money traps". We spoke to venue manager "Stuart Ian", who told us "our understanding is that if you throw enough money into a bottomless pit, then the venue will magically start making a profit." When asked what this had to do with making the venue more echoey, Ian Stuart said "how the bally hell should I know! I just thought I'd make it sound even more echoey so I could see the looks of frustration on band members faces! Now, fill out this Escalator form, and I'll give you £5000, no questions asked, just like I have done for everyone else I know!".
At this point, our reporter walked out, but he shouted down the corridor "and if you're in two bands, I'll give you £10,000, and you can use all the money to fly one of the bands to South By South West, just like "********" did!
At this point, he winked, drank the bar dry, and booked the same 4 local bands for all the upcoming gigs in the next 6 months..
***We can't reveal which band/s he was talking about, for legal reasons, and because we here at "Norwich Music Rumours Uncovered!!!" are fans of both bands.***
Keep supporting local music everyone!

Happy Christmas, rumour hounds!!!

Merry Christmas from "Norwich Music Rumours Uncovered!!!".

Don't worry, we'll continue to bring you all the freshest gossip, rumours, facts, and utter made-up rubbish, fresh from the venues, pubs, bars, and bedrooms, of Norwich's music scene, during this festive period of pretending to love your relatives, pretending you like sprouts, and pretending that you're not actually laughing at the incredibly life-like rumours that we bring you exclusively, here on "Norwich Music Rumours Uncovered".

When will the next rumour appear???

Nobody knows!

Keep your ears peeled, and your eyes on the prize.
(Clue: the next one will be Boxing Day at 12 noon)

Don't forget to Twat us on Spotify!

Tell all your friends about us, add us on Twitter and Blogger, and let's make 2011 the bestest year for local music rumours!

Local red-haired "urban" singer Ed Sheeran this week signs a deal to be Elton John's chauffer.  The deal has been in the works since this summer, when Ed appeared on Elton's over-the-top phone-in radio show, "Right, I'm Leaving!", on Los Angeles "R-Koq" radio station. The pair got on like their houses were on fire, and Elton offered Ed a record deal, on his "Man Rocket" record label; but later in the same show the pair got into an argument over what colour Ed's hair is. Elton said it was obviously ginger, but Ed insisted it was "Burnt Auburn Delight". Things escalated, and the offer of a record deal was replaced with a deal whereby Ed drives Elton around all day in his diamond-studded Nissan Micra, and if he's lucky he'll get to polish Elton's "special little friend". We contacted Ed for clarification on what this meant, but Ed refused to go into any more detail, as he was busy doing sick-ups into his hoody.
Well Ed, we wish you the best of luck. Keep it real!

Local oddball music promoters "Howlback Hum" recently celebrated their 10th Birthday by putting on 6 gigs in 5 days, in 7 different venues (?).  Or rather, they INTENDED to do that. But upon setting up their cobbled together PA system each night, they found that they were getting uncontrollable ear-splitting howlback from the microphones, and bowl-shaking hum through the PA speakers.
So, it was business as usual, hehe, and the gigs went on without a hitch!

Not music related, or Norwich related, but we think Al Pacino should open a neck-wear shop called "Scarf Ace".. Just us? Oh well..

Local 4-piece M.O.R band "The Loyal Few" have sacked their guitarist, Matt. The well-loved local A.O.R band, known for their own particular bland of lightweight easy-listening pop, are carrying on as a 3 piece. They are however changing their name to "The Loyal Fewer"..

Last Monday £30,000 was stolen from Norfolk & Norwich Festival headquarters in Tombland last Monday, when festival organisers accidentally left open the door to their safe, last Monday. Unfortunately, they also accidentally left the safe out in the street.. Even more unfortunately, they also accidentally left a sign in front of it saying "FREE MONEY!! BE MY GUEST! I WON'T TELL! HONEST!". Festival officials have issued a statement saying "Cor! What am I like! Hehe. I tell you, if my head wasn't screwed on, lol! rofl, etc..".
Police are doing their best to track down the naughty people, but say "we're busy, erm, I wanna say, fighting crime? But that makes it sound like we're superheroes. And we're not.. It'd be pretty cool though.. Ooh, gotta go! The sandwich man's arrived!".

Local band made good, Those Kabeedies, have just been picked as the new face(s) of Bodyform, the feminine time-of-the-month product range. Fab, Rory, Katie and, erm, Bob (?) will be shown in the next Bodyform TV advert, roller-skating, mountain climbing, walking a dog, and skinning a rabbit, to advertise Bodyform's new unisex sanitary towel, whilst their hit single "That One About Tiny Elves" plays in the background.
We couldn't be happier!

Contrary to popular belief, local acoustic duo "Frost & Mudd" didn't get their name from their respective surnames (which are Mudd & Frost). Bizarrely, their moniker (no, not the irritating one from "Friends") is taken from a legendary one-off performance that geriatric TV Presenter Sir David "Sir David Frost" Frost did with 70s pop group "Mud", on his talkshow "A Touch Of Frost" in 1974.
It was at the height of Glam Rock, and Sir David, battling falling viewer figures, and desperate to appeal to the younger audience, dressed up in glittery platform boots, a skintight silver bodysuit, open to the waist, and fashioned his hair into the shape of what appeared to be a giant mushroom. He then proceeded to perform a demented rendition of Mud's popular hit "Tiger's Feet", stomping around the stage like a slightly less poeadophilic Gary "Up The" Glitter, and fell headfirst off of the stage into the audience.
Footage of the embarrasing performance sometimes pops up on Youtube, but tends to get removed very quickly by the copyright owner, Jimmy Saville.
"So how come they aren't called "Frost & Mud" then?" I hear you ask?
Well, actually, they WERE called that, but in a curious twist (not the 50s dance craze) they were threatened with legal action by The Weather Channel, who had registered a patent on the phrase "frost & mud". To avoid potential court action the duo added a "D", and the rest, my friends, is history!

Plans to celebrate Wombat Wombat's 40th Annie-versary this spring are really hotting up. Local Wombat-linked bands Bearsuit, Scumbag Phil (formerly Fuckbag Dress) and The Three Fever Fevers have been adapting Annie The Musical for a special one-off performance in the bar of Norwich's "Norwich Arts Centre", in Norwich.
Rehearsals have been taking place sporadically in local pubs around closing time, and then out in the streets; very, very loudly! All the way home!
When asked to comment, Wombat's Annie just handed us another Wombat Wombat flyer, and proceeded to reel off a list of all the local bands that she hates, without being prompted, and insisted we agree with her that The Three Fever Fevers are the best Norwich band in years.
Annie, you had us at "have a flyer"..  :o)

In a bid to be as cool as the Fever-Fever-and-The-Brownies-female-member's-hybrid-band "Brothers", the male members (teehee!) of The Unremarkables and The Loyal Few have decided to get together to form a, oh, for christ's sake, who the hell even cares..
*Editors Note: the views expressed by our reporters don't always echo those of our own brains. This may or may not be one of those times.*

Local hip-hop rapping band, "Children Of A Dying Breed", have taken it upon themselves to start a new charity called "Children Of Dying Breeds". For a small monthly fee, you'll be able to sponser the babies of soon-to-be-extinct animals. For a larger premium, you'll be able to buy them outright, and do what you bloody well please with them. (This latter option isn't listed on the website, but we found this out in a phonecall to the charity/crew's "disc jockey" "MC Sinster". He said "to be honest mate, once the money's in my bank account, I couldn't give a monkeys what you do. Peace".

*Editors Note* - Steve, that phone call was strictly off-the-record, so can you please edit that bit out before you publish this one?
Thanks,
Lionel.

It's been revealed that Jess Morgan, Norwich's self proclaimed "one and only folk musician"
has a bizarre secret.. Turns out that before she moved to Norwich, she lived in a mystical village, populated entirely by people that were made out of corderoy and/or velour..
Apparently she's been rubbing everyone up the wrong way for years!

FACT! - Norfolk gig promotions company "The Tilting Sky" is named after Craig "Tilting Craig" Sky's experiences during his first ever paid job; which was working for Hasbro, the toy manufacturer, as a life-sized "Weeble", advertising the "won't fall down" egg-shaped childrens toy in shopping centres, during the product's launch in the summer of 1971.
For 8 hours each day Mr Sky was stuffed into a giant egg attached to a spring, and wobbled from side to side (without falling down of course!) by excited children, until he was sick all over himself. And then he was wobbled some more, just for fun..
As he queasily gazed out of the small eyeholes in the side of the egg, all he could see was, you guessed it, the sky..
Tilting...

And that my friend, was the start of the legend that is, Craig "Tilting Craig" Sky!

Local band Red Gate Rover are teaming up with Aylsham's boxer-turned-hairdresser Steve "Knock Down" Ginger, and Sprowston's one-armed arm wrestling champion, Trevor "Dead Arm" Davis.
Nobody knows why..

*Editor's Note* - Check out Red Gate Rover and Lowery TONIGHT at The Playhouse Bar from 8pm. FREE entry? Yeah, why not! Our spies will see you there..
(possible guest appearances from Steve "Knock Down" Ginger & Trevor "Dead Arm" Davis)

As a way of making amends for not posting for 3 weeks, today we posted 2 rumours/facts. Possibly more to come before midnight, rumour-fans!

Girl In A Thunderbolt's Maria Uzor was recently struck by a thunderbolt (and a lightning one!) whilst playing golf. She was just about to "tea off" in the final of the Norfolk Ladies Open, at Chaffing Frogbury's "Liza Minellium Golf Course & Garden Centre", when lightning struck. In the same place! Twice!!
Thankfully, Maria survived, and upon opening her eyes, she fell in love with the first person she saw. Norwich City Football Club's lucky mascot, Captain Canary!
Maria has written a concept album about the whole thing, and is giving the CD away with her new book "Gardening, Golf and Captain Canary - A Mascot for Life & Love", which she'll be launching at "Nobles Book Barn" this Saturday at 11am. First 2000 customers get a song written about them, and a signed body part (their own; not a dismembered one..).

Fire engines from three counties were recently called to a small Suffolk village on "John Peel Day". There have been so many people banging on and on about how great John Peel was since he died, (even though 95% of them hadn't even listened to any of his radio shows for the last 10 years of his life) that he's been turning in his grave non-stop for the last 6 years, eventually setting fire to his own casket, ironically (don'cha think?) on the very day set aside to remember him.
Fire officials claim "we just can't put the bugger out! We've been here for 5 days now, but he just keeps on spinning! It's not all bad news though; as local electricians have managed to hook up a generator to his revolving corpse, to power the houses of all the local villagers.

We're back, and slightly more bitter than usual! After three busy weeks out-and-about, watching the same handful of Norwich bands playing every fucking night in some-awful-sounding-crypt-or-other and pretending to enjoy it, we've loaded up with endless facts and rumours about all your favourite local bands. Good times!

Norwich City Council's budget has just been published in the Norwich Even News, and apparently Council Tax will be rising by £30 per household per month. We confronted local Councillor "Wayne Bruce" about the reason for this uprecedented rise, to which he replied "Erm, yeah, we spent £300,000 erecting a giant metal sculpture of James Leeds, the singer in local band "Tinman", for all the local children to bow down and worship. We had to raise the money somehow." We contacted James Leeds to confirm this, but he couldn't hear us, as he was too busy polishing his Mercedes with CORD's expired Island Records contract..

On a recent world tour of the Czech Republic, Norwich's premier carnie outfit "The Cakes & The Ales" were robbed by REAL gypsies. The band/circus-troupe were robbed of their dignity, sense-of-humour, Jaspers front teeth, and their lucky Faberge Egg collection.
Lady & Gents, our thoughts are with you (like The Force). Keep on truckin'!

NEWS FLASH! - We are sad to announce the Death of Death of Death of Discotheque. We are struggling to work out whether this means disco is finally dead, or back from the grave, or back from the grave and then dead again.. Answers on a postman to the usual address.

Hello Bear, semi-fatalists in this yeah's "Next Biggest Things" complimation, tolded us that them "is lovin' it!" their Universally Corses, at other places, like Brighten, for a sample. And also New Carsel mose probly..  Miss! I need a go spud-spud..!
(Editor's Note: This was the first in our "Touched By A Child" series of posts, written by primary school students. This first post was written by young Christopher Lozenge, from A New Hope Primary School, in the North-Norfolk village of Sodding Tuesbury.)

The Brownies, Norwich's most rockin' all-girl equal-rights band, this week announced the opening of the first of a chain of Drop-In Centres, for "wayward rock chicks". We spoke to the mothers of Sophie, Maxie, Stevie, and Mikie, and all of them said in unison "bad girl! dirty girl! in your bed!". The whole band is now grounded for a month, and have re-scheduled the opening until playtime..

Norwich's premier squat/venue "The Marquee" recently lost their three Michelin stars. It turns out that they got them by accident. They were meant to get three "Mitch Lynne Scars", which is an award given out by "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain".
When we asked Mitch Lynne, head of "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", to tell us more about "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", he said "the first rule of "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", is you don't talk about "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain"!"
But after half a shandy he said "oh, go on then", and went on to regale us with lots of juicy stories. What a lightweight!!

Alloy Ark's diminuitive singer Dani Appadoo is to apparently be inducted into the Guiness Book Of Records as "world's quietest singer". We rang Guiness Book Of Records pundit Norris McSquirter, who could neither confirm or deny the claim, due to having been dead for many years.. We also rang Dani, but couldn't hear a word she said. Just a high-pitched squeaking; which in hindsight was probably caused by our reporter rocking back and forth on his chair. He does that all the time.. Idiot..

Bearsuit were mistakenly arrested by Customs officers yesterday, at their secret lair in the bowels of Norwich's underground network of tunnels. "False Intelligence" was blamed for the mix-up, which almost led to the band being imprisoned for "illegally importing suits made from bear skins" from Eastern Europe. Customs officers have issued an official statement, apologising to the band, and confirming that it was all a terrible mistake.
In other news, local bands Hello Bear, Bear, Bear Fare, and Alex Carson (head of Barefeet Records) were also arrested for similar crimes, and all remain in custody at the time of going to press..

Fever Fever's drummer, "Smit", has just got through to the finals of this year's "World's Fastest Drummer" competition. He took part in heats in Ipswich and then Norwich, with the final being held at London's "Earl's Court" Exhibition Centre on the 12th of November. We'll be there with our "You Go Smit Smit!" banners! Let's bring the title back to Norwich, eh readers?!

Times have been hard for the members of Norwich band The Great Shakes in the last few months, and they recently all found themselves working together, in the same city centre branch of McDonalds. Ever the optimists, the band only have good things to say about the situation. When asked what their favourite part of the job was, they all replied in unison "the great shakes!".

Norwich bar/cafe "The Bicycle Shop" has just won a presitigious other-worldy accolade. Resident ghost "Jeffrey" has won "Friendly Ghost Of The Month" in "Casper Monthly", the 3rd best-selling ghost-based publication in Europe. Well done Jeffrey!

The RSPCA recently staged a dawn raid on a top secret underground bunker at The Forum (known as "The Curve"), where they found an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters. No charges of animal cruelty were brought, but they did find a stack of scripts which appear to have been used by the "BBC Norfolk Introducing" team for their weekly radio shows..

FACT! The Lost Levels were named after an Eastern Daily Press article about a local building firm who had all their spirit levels stolen. The band was originally called Stolen Spirit Levels, but they had to change their name after being taken to court by the 60s folk-rock band of the same name (no relation).

NR One Records chef/boss, Kingsley Harriet, was this week arrested for "cooking the books". Turns out there's been a simple clerical error, and rather than committing fraud, he was actually cooking up a tasty "paper-based" meal for his popular cooking TV show "Can't Cook, Cos I'm Not A Cook". We caught up with the local "Music Molehill" turned "Celebratory Chef", Ainsley Harris, who was clearly heard shouting "the cheques are in the post", whilst running down the street chasing a fast buck into a pit of despair..

Milly Hirst recently announced the exciting news that she's to embark on a project to play "a gig in Norwich every day" for the next 2 years. But after checking her diary it turns out that she's already been doing that for the last two years, so, back to the drawing board Milly!

Sargasso Trio are about to launch their new range of children's chocolate bars. The first in the range will be called the "Sargasso Trio". The tag-line being "I want a Sargasso Trio, and I want one NOW!".

Norwich teenage indie-popsters We Can't Dance were spotted at the Bo Nanafana night at 70s Cabaret venue "The Talk" recently, having Salsa lessons. The band are apparently changing their name to "We Can Dance A Bit, But It's Not Very Sexy Yet..".

Darwin & The Dinosaur have just received a phonecall from the 90s, wanting their guitar riffs back.

Norwich folk troupe Cakes & Ale are joining forces with famous actor Alan Dale, to open a bakery called Cakes & Dale.

Norwich music scene stalwart Shane O'Linski/O'Connor is really the Earl Of Earlham. He's been posing undercover as a struggling indie genius for the last 25 years, and is really the 17th richest man in Norfolk, between #16, Woody The Bear, and #18, TV's Shane Richie.

Access To Music's Principal, Ian Johnson, was arrested on Friday by the Fraud Squad. It turns out that the building that Access To Music operates in is a "cut and shut", made up from two seperate buildings, both written off after being involved in car accidents.

Local-ish singer/songwriter Raevennan Husbandes has a new door-todoor makeup company, similar to Avon. To avoid copyright issues she's calling it "Raevon". So, if you hear a knock on your door, and a high-pitched cry of "Raevon Calling!", you'll know that quality make-up at low, low, prices is only a footstep away (like Neighbours).

We've recently been in touch with "Guiness Book Of Records" Norris McSquirter, who informs us that Norwich band "Olympians" have made an attempt at the world record for "most pointlessly complicated techy guitar playing". We wish them the best of luck with their attempt. You Go Boys!

Local indie-rock trio Hunt In Packs are being demolished, after a year of crumbling into the sea on the clifftop of North Norfolk village Hunton Paxford.

Influencial 90s Norwich indie band Kaito are re-forming, but without any of the original members, and including members of Norwich bands that they've influenced, including Violet Violet, Fever Fever, and Glory Glory. They're going to be called "Kaito Kaito".

12 noon tomorrow, we kick out The Jam.

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Oh No They Ditn't!!!