WE'RE BACK!

Did you miss us? We've been a wafer so long! Today we have two news items for your grubby mitts. Some great Norwich based stuff to look forward to over the coming months. LET'S GO GO!

This year's Norwich & Norfolk Festival is breaking with tradition, and we here at NMRU couldn't be more excited! This year's event won't feature classical, jazz, or any other kind of old person's music. Instead, this year's festival will cater to the taste's of Norwich's many thousands of young people, and will feature all your favourite local bands, no matter whether they're acoustic, indie, metal, dubstep, emo, grunge, hiphop, riot grrrl, chillwave, or reggae, or any other genre that the youngsters are listening to right now. Seriously, NNF12 is going to cater for the young people of Norwich this year, rather than mainly putting on stuff that middle-aged posh people would like. Cool, right!? It's gonna be awesome!

Hot new Norwich soup-or-group, Khan, have a tough time ahead of them. Early last month the band was issued with a "Cease & Desist" order from legendary/mythical soul singer, Chaka Khan. To literally add insult to an injury, they then received a similar letter from Imran Khan, the famous cricket.

In a bizarre twist of their tail, the rocky duo (+1) also received a third legal missive, from the Estate Of Ghengis Khan, forbidding the band from using Ghengis' likeness on any promotional materials. Also in the same envelope was a flyer offering 20% off the new Ghengis biography, entitled "Yes, I Bloody Well Khan!".

12 t-shirts (and 5 USB wristbands) have had to be sent back to the printers, and/or burned. Possibly both..

***STOP & PRESS*** - The band have decided to change their name to "Morgan", to avoid anymore costly and time-consuming court cases.

***THIS JUSTIN*** - In another unfortunate twist (not the popular 50s dance move), "Morgan" (formerly Khan) have been sued by 80s "Streetsounds Records" entree pruner, "Morgan Khan". We really didn't see that coming.. Gentlemen, our thoughts are with you at this difficult time..

Local cock-rockers "English Telling" have been ordered to change their name by The Ministry Of Fair Trading. Apparently, the name "English Telling" was proving misleading, due to the band singing in such a ridiculous fake American accent.. They're now called "We're Not American, But Don't Tell Anyone". The band are said to be relieved and happy about the subtle name-change.

(other names considered were "Not English? I'm Telling!", and "Fleetwood Max"..)

Local self-styled "Music Borstal", "Access To The Musics", has just received well-deserved funding for their new venture. The brains behind their popular new "Entrepreneur" course put in a bid for the much-needed new wing of ATTM's new off-shore music prison. For many years local councillors argued over the best way to keep youngsters off the streets, whilst also appearing to the general public like the unemployment figures had gone down, and making Norwich look like the cultured city that it clearly isn't (not their words, or ours).

The obvious answer was to rush through ATTM's application! And building work has already begun on the state-of-the-ark steel box, which will apparently float underneath the river, next to Access For The Music's current Kings Treet location.

Students will arrive to "college" once a week, at 1pm sharp, as per usual, and will then be forced along a conveyor belt made of toughened steel, to a soundproof "cell", fully kitted out with drums, guitars, acoustic "padding", and a panic button, which isn't connected to anything.. Here they will "study" for the rest of the day, until they've passed their fake exams, or until ATTM get next year's funding approved.

ATTM's Principal/Poacher, "Sir Ian Ponsington Smythe III", was unnavailable for comment, as he had to rush off to an urgent opticians appointment, for the fitting of his new monicle..

Former "Great Shakes" bassist, "Max Gentleman", has just started his eagle-y awaited new band. In a bizarre twist (again, NOT the popular 50s dance move!), he's joined forces with Mick Fleetwood (original member/namesake of Fleetwood Mac), to form a hotly-tipped new combo called "Fleetwood Max".

In exciting news, we just received our recently approved "Poetic License", so we can now "improve" many local music-based rumours, without fear of legal action. Let the good times (rock'n') roll!

AND WE'RE BACK!!

Popular local character, DJ-78, has been spinning bakelite on his gramophones to the delight of local old fashioned people, and normal people alike, for many years now, and we here at Norwich Music Rumours Uncovered applaud him for that. (we don't literally applaud him, but you know what I mean..)

We recently caught up with him at old-fashioned show-off night, "Proper Bo Nana Fan", for a chinwag and a chat. When asked the question in everyone's lips, "Where does the name DJ-78 come from", he told us a hilarious story about when he used to work in the local Phorensics Unit at Norwich Hospital, in The Olden Days.

One (olden) day, the body of a 78 year old man was brought in, with many puncture wounds. To fully  examine the dead geezer, our hero had to remove the stunning vintage (ie: old) dinner jacket that the pensioner was wearing at the time of his shooting/mauling (the case was never solved..). Before anyone else noticed, our DJ friend (DJ-78) stole the jacket (you go girl!), hiding it in his Anderson Shelter at home.

Well, we were touched by DJ-78 more than once during the telling of his story (it goes without saying!), so we contacted the local Police to confirm the story, before we went to print. Well, it turns out that it's all true, and as of 10am this morning, DJ-78 is a fugitive, on the run, protected from the elements only by the Dinner Jacket of a 78 year old dead guy.

You can't make this stuff up!  Why would you!