On a recent world tour of the Czech Republic, Norwich's premier carnie outfit "The Cakes & The Ales" were robbed by REAL gypsies. The band/circus-troupe were robbed of their dignity, sense-of-humour, Jaspers front teeth, and their lucky Faberge Egg collection.
Lady & Gents, our thoughts are with you (like The Force). Keep on truckin'!

NEWS FLASH! - We are sad to announce the Death of Death of Death of Discotheque. We are struggling to work out whether this means disco is finally dead, or back from the grave, or back from the grave and then dead again.. Answers on a postman to the usual address.

Hello Bear, semi-fatalists in this yeah's "Next Biggest Things" complimation, tolded us that them "is lovin' it!" their Universally Corses, at other places, like Brighten, for a sample. And also New Carsel mose probly..  Miss! I need a go spud-spud..!
(Editor's Note: This was the first in our "Touched By A Child" series of posts, written by primary school students. This first post was written by young Christopher Lozenge, from A New Hope Primary School, in the North-Norfolk village of Sodding Tuesbury.)

The Brownies, Norwich's most rockin' all-girl equal-rights band, this week announced the opening of the first of a chain of Drop-In Centres, for "wayward rock chicks". We spoke to the mothers of Sophie, Maxie, Stevie, and Mikie, and all of them said in unison "bad girl! dirty girl! in your bed!". The whole band is now grounded for a month, and have re-scheduled the opening until playtime..

Norwich's premier squat/venue "The Marquee" recently lost their three Michelin stars. It turns out that they got them by accident. They were meant to get three "Mitch Lynne Scars", which is an award given out by "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain".
When we asked Mitch Lynne, head of "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", to tell us more about "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", he said "the first rule of "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain", is you don't talk about "The UK Bare-Knuckle Underground Fighting Federation Association Organisation Club Of Great Britain"!"
But after half a shandy he said "oh, go on then", and went on to regale us with lots of juicy stories. What a lightweight!!

Alloy Ark's diminuitive singer Dani Appadoo is to apparently be inducted into the Guiness Book Of Records as "world's quietest singer". We rang Guiness Book Of Records pundit Norris McSquirter, who could neither confirm or deny the claim, due to having been dead for many years.. We also rang Dani, but couldn't hear a word she said. Just a high-pitched squeaking; which in hindsight was probably caused by our reporter rocking back and forth on his chair. He does that all the time.. Idiot..

Bearsuit were mistakenly arrested by Customs officers yesterday, at their secret lair in the bowels of Norwich's underground network of tunnels. "False Intelligence" was blamed for the mix-up, which almost led to the band being imprisoned for "illegally importing suits made from bear skins" from Eastern Europe. Customs officers have issued an official statement, apologising to the band, and confirming that it was all a terrible mistake.
In other news, local bands Hello Bear, Bear, Bear Fare, and Alex Carson (head of Barefeet Records) were also arrested for similar crimes, and all remain in custody at the time of going to press..